My Testimony

My testimony is something I usually avoid telling because, to be honest…I don't really know when I was saved.

Like many of us, I grew up in a series of calvinist and charismatic churches, each more worldly than the next. I took the gospel for granted and clearly remember thinking that I wanted to sin whilst I was young, and worry about it later.

When I was 13 I attended my church youth group. The leader asked us the all important question - if Jesus came back tonight, would you go to heaven? And I’m not going to lie - I was scared. I went home that night and asked God to forgive me for my sins. I told my youth leader that I prayed for my salvation but was now doubtful, and he encouraged me with the verse Hebrews 13:5. My Mam had died 3 years earlier, and I had a horrible relationship with my Dad - so hearing that I had a spiritual parent who would would never leave me or forsake me, who I could fully trust, made me WANT to be saved. But was I saved then? Maybe. But I’m not so sure. That youth leader constantly taught a works based salvation, and so I can't be sure that I even really understood the gospel, let alone trusted Jesus 100% for myself.

Time went by and my faith wavered from weak to non existent. I fell into grievous sins and was very much on the path to destruction. It wasn't until I discovered the New IFB movement, that my life truly changed.

At aged 18, five years from my supposed salvation, a friend introduced me to Pastor Anderson's videos and I have to say, it was a shock to the system. It was preaching like I'd never heard it before and although I didn’t agree with a lot of the doctrine at the time, for the first time in my life I felt like I was actually learning something.

I'd grown up in church my whole life but not once was I taught anything beyond an incorrect gospel presentation, and a couple of the typical Bible stories we all hear in Sunday school like Noah’s Ark and Moses. And that’s exactly what they had become to me - stories. Pastor Anderson’s preaching awakened me to the true meaning of the gospel and I started to think about what that meant for my life.

I began to question my salvation, and the sincerity behind my thirteen-year old prayer. I knew my life had been wicked and my faith weak. The Bible says in Matthew 7:20 “Ye shall know them by their fruits.” - but I had no fruit. Did this mean I had no faith either?

My friend told me that the worries about my salvation showed that my fear of the Lord was real. But looking back I realized that I was striving towards a works based salvation.

My walk with the Lord has been more of a series of baby steps. Learning to trust the Lord with all my heart, and to lean not on my own understanding, has not come naturally. I have faced many obstacles, namely my unwillingness to submit to God and spells of deep depression - and I strongly believe that one has been the cause of the other. But God has been transforming me daily and showing me that with obedience comes true joy.

Over the years and in the past few months especially, I have learned to separate what is needed for salvation and what is expected of me as a daughter of Christ. The Bible says:

For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God: Not of works, lest any man should boast. {Ephesians 2:8-9}

I’m eternally grateful that God placed people like Josh and Pastor Anderson in my life, because without them I may never have realized that not only am I saved, but there is nothing and no-one that can pluck me from God’s hands.

Thank you for reading and until next time, have a blessed week.

“My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me:

And I give unto them eternal life; and they shall never perish, neither shall any man pluck them out of my hand.” - {John 10:27-28}